The day is fastly approaching where I will be told whether or not I am worthy enough to raise my son. I'm so scared. I have valid reasons. Here's one more.....I called Justin and told him that Pat's confrences are next Thursday. I received a laundry list of reasons why he couldn't go. Yean, and he's going to take care of his education.

I don't know what to say to the judge. It's so hard gathering my thoughts. The spin like a merry-go-round. I can't make sense of it. I know I'm better fit to care for Pat. That's obvious just by listening to Justin talk. He talks more about himself then Pat. When I talk about Pat I talk about Pat. Not how I was. It also shows because even with the smallest things I request I get resistance. The confrences really pissed me off because he can go. It's a fifteen minute conference at 9:30 in the morning. He doesn't have to work until 10 and he can say he's going to be an hour late! Yeah, he can put clothes on his back but can he, does he have the time to, teach Pat how to be a good person. How to be respectful and honest. Is he going to teach him that an education is the only thing that is truly yours. That noone can take that away from you. The more educated you are the more chances you have at a good life. Is that narccisstic asshole going to teach him that. 

Who cares right. It's out of my hands. All I can do is my best. I'm just feeling so low. So beaten. It could be so much worse. Don't whine right. What ever will be will be.